Master the art of showing up

“Be silent and listen_ have you recognized your madness and do you admit it_ Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness_ Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a f

The novelty of my swim practice has wore off, I’m on my 7th lessons, still trying to learnt the basics of freestyle. I am starting to feel the deficit and I am feeling pretty beat up on most days, and these days, I look forward to my rest days more than anything.

Despite not “feeling like it”, I still make myself go regardless of how I feel. As I understand the importance of showing up, regardless of the quality of the effort I put in. I will show up, practice and go home, and this is usually after a training session, 3-4 times weekly. I am also currently weaning off my coffee consumption, and I definitely feel the coffee withdrawal symptoms : migraine, low energy level, bad mood..it’s crazy how when you use it everyday, you don’t notice any effect it had on you. It’s only after I took it off completely, then I notice such significant difference.

The beginning is always the hardest, and I am mastering the art of showing up. I replaced my morning coffee with half cup of orange juice, salted with gelatin, and I do have some tea as replacement (but I’m also very aware of not abusing it) . Regardless of how tired I feel, I dragged my feet to the public pool and let Connie make me swim laps. I still enjoy it, as problems fade away as I dip my head under water.

I shall report back on my coffee abstinence…’till next update.

 

Head under water

I put my head underwater,
I held my breath until it passed
Crossed my fingers and concentrated
I closed my eyes and I was free at last – Jenny Lewis 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a fear of being under water. I had a near drown experience in my life, and after that, I never had the courage to learn how to swim : not anymore.

They say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. This is exactly what happened to me. The public pool is just minutes away from my house, and I bumped into a gym friend during one of my daily early morning walks. Casually, I told her I don’t know how to swim because of my fear of water. Long story short, she introduced me to a swim coach who works at the pool.

Years of irrational fear of water, dissipated after my first lesson with Connie, my swim coach. She was urging me on :”Come on, Simmy, you can do it, you can.” There was hesitation, I couldn’t do it in the beginning. I would breath, and exhaled, breathed, and exhaled, repetitively. Untill finally, I dived in.

As soon as I put my head under water, I knew the hardest part is over, I thought to myself instantly, “You got this in a bag.” I’ve crossed the biggest hurdle, the rest will be a piece of cake.

I was elated. Beyond elated. Like a baby first learnt how to crawl.

I can’t believe I am deprived of this for years : The experience of being under water. Everything feels so calming and serene under water, even in a dirty kids pool, possibly filled with urines and snorts. Nothing matters as soon as I get under water. I love everything about swimming, I love how you can’t float if you’re not relax, I love how so much concentration is needed, to the point that I cannot be distracted by other things anymore.

It is meditative.

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