Prep Journal : 12 Weeks out : Prep brain

I may have experienced my multiple episodes of “prep brain” today. I usually let my thoughts ruminate for a few days, but today I felt compelled to sit down and pen down my thoughts.

I am currently at about 12 weeks out of #WNBF Singapore , up untill last week, I was still feeling alright. As things weren’t moving at the rate that we liked, we dropped 200kcals last week. Stress and fatigue accumulates, and it didn’t hit me untill today, I was thinking to myself, what a difference a day made, because up untill yesterday, I was still feeling alright. (not best, but today is just absolute poop)

Incident No 1

As I reversed my car out of my house for grocery earlier, I knocked my car into our neighbour’s car, as they were just turning in at the same time. Both of our cars are scratched and dented, and it was hard to pin point whose fault it was (they were coming in too fast, and I was going out too fast). We were both nice and civil about it, thou. I told them to get it fixed and send me the bill (truth to be told, I was too exhausted and I wanted to avoid conflict). I was shocked to learn from my husband that it might cost about 800-1000 to fix the car, I guess I will need to input that into my “bikini comp budget”

Incident No 2 

I actually mistaken another car as my car, and I stood there trying to get the car opened for a long time, I was thinking the key lock of my car must have ran out of battery. It was only after a few minutes, that I realize, that’s not my car, my car is all the way on the other side.

Incident No 3

My body is absolutely fried today but I still decided to take a dive at the pool for my swim practice. The public pool is 5 minutes walk from my house, and Andrew and Anya went there first by motorbike, and I follow suit by walking there later. I left earlier as Anya wanted to stay longer, I took my husband’s motorbike’s key and proceeded to walk home, as I thought I took our house key. Anya didn’t even have her slippers on and she walked all the way home, needless to say, I felt very bad. (She was awfully nice about it, kept saying how it was only a mistake and she was fine with walking home barefeet)

I understand things will get harder as I get closer to comp date, and drawing experience from my previous prep, the deficit seems to be effecting my cognitive thinking, as well as my emotional intelligence. It is precisely because of this reason that I’ve made many arrangements in relation to the competition well in advance, such as sorting out my flights/accommodation, as I remembered I made some booking mistakes my last prep (messing up the dates)

I have been extremely aware of how I carry myself and how I treat others, esp towards my husband this prep. It isn’t fair that he has to be the punching bag, as I chose to do this myself willingly. He has been supportive even thou he don’t understand the sport. And I need to be cautious of not taking him for granted.

It’s been a long day, and I am grateful to have this space for some self reflection as always. I cannot describe the relief I feel upon typing out these words, I often feel calmer and more collected when I reflect upon myself this way.