Prep Journal : 10weeks out : Empathy

I think about empathy alot lately. Having empathy is being able to understand and share the feelings of the other, regardless of whether you share the same experience or not. The more I think about it, the more I feel skeptical, can we truly feel empathetic for someone without having to deal with similar circumstances ? Likely not.

Empathy is a virtue, but it’s existence is as rare as unicorn. I often think of myself as a empathetic person, but I think I am just a hypocrite.

The other day, my husband and I had a discussion on empathy, I was telling him it doesn’t really matter whether he understand the difficulty I am going through, but I need his empathy. Anya overheard our conversation, obviously, she doesn’t understand the meaning of “empathy”, but she chimed in and said : ” Yea dad, why you gotta be so rude? ”  (cue : The song RUDE by Magic) I got a good laugh out of it, she often has a way to soften the tension between us, and I am very grateful for that.

By requesting him to be more understanding, I am already being unreasonable, where is my empathy for him? Having a partner who has a peculiar hobby sure isn’t easy to deal with, and he didn’t sign up for this. I should be more empathetic towards him, instead of the other way around.

Phew ! I got the heavy stuffs out of the sack..let’s move on to the brighter side of things.

My prep started off rather slow, untill I started tracking food, then it finally picked up it’s pace. I am just a little over 10weeks out now, what I want to achieve with this prep is to do better than my previous prep. I definitely feel more mentally prepared this time around, I have much less anxiety, and I’ve built up a really good routine to mitigate all my other stressors, the only stressor I have now, is the deficit itself.

April VS June

Starting weight : 63kg

Current weight : 59.3kg

Pardon the different lighting, I eventually had to move posing practice as part of my morning routine because I get way too exhausted and demotivated to do it after a long day. Had to get it out of the way first thing in the morning (after meditation) (before the sun even rises)

I look forward to building up my upper body after this prep, given that I barely had time to recuperate after my last prep, as I really wanted to bag another prep and stage experience before I take time off. I’ll have time, as with natural bodybuilding, time will be your ally.

 

 

 

Prep Journal : 12 Weeks out : Prep brain

I may have experienced my multiple episodes of “prep brain” today. I usually let my thoughts ruminate for a few days, but today I felt compelled to sit down and pen down my thoughts.

I am currently at about 12 weeks out of #WNBF Singapore , up untill last week, I was still feeling alright. As things weren’t moving at the rate that we liked, we dropped 200kcals last week. Stress and fatigue accumulates, and it didn’t hit me untill today, I was thinking to myself, what a difference a day made, because up untill yesterday, I was still feeling alright. (not best, but today is just absolute poop)

Incident No 1

As I reversed my car out of my house for grocery earlier, I knocked my car into our neighbour’s car, as they were just turning in at the same time. Both of our cars are scratched and dented, and it was hard to pin point whose fault it was (they were coming in too fast, and I was going out too fast). We were both nice and civil about it, thou. I told them to get it fixed and send me the bill (truth to be told, I was too exhausted and I wanted to avoid conflict). I was shocked to learn from my husband that it might cost about 800-1000 to fix the car, I guess I will need to input that into my “bikini comp budget”

Incident No 2 

I actually mistaken another car as my car, and I stood there trying to get the car opened for a long time, I was thinking the key lock of my car must have ran out of battery. It was only after a few minutes, that I realize, that’s not my car, my car is all the way on the other side.

Incident No 3

My body is absolutely fried today but I still decided to take a dive at the pool for my swim practice. The public pool is 5 minutes walk from my house, and Andrew and Anya went there first by motorbike, and I follow suit by walking there later. I left earlier as Anya wanted to stay longer, I took my husband’s motorbike’s key and proceeded to walk home, as I thought I took our house key. Anya didn’t even have her slippers on and she walked all the way home, needless to say, I felt very bad. (She was awfully nice about it, kept saying how it was only a mistake and she was fine with walking home barefeet)

I understand things will get harder as I get closer to comp date, and drawing experience from my previous prep, the deficit seems to be effecting my cognitive thinking, as well as my emotional intelligence. It is precisely because of this reason that I’ve made many arrangements in relation to the competition well in advance, such as sorting out my flights/accommodation, as I remembered I made some booking mistakes my last prep (messing up the dates)

I have been extremely aware of how I carry myself and how I treat others, esp towards my husband this prep. It isn’t fair that he has to be the punching bag, as I chose to do this myself willingly. He has been supportive even thou he don’t understand the sport. And I need to be cautious of not taking him for granted.

It’s been a long day, and I am grateful to have this space for some self reflection as always. I cannot describe the relief I feel upon typing out these words, I often feel calmer and more collected when I reflect upon myself this way.

 

 

Prep Journal : 16 weeks out : Patience is a virtue

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished – Lao Tzu

I thought alot about patience on my morning walk this morning.

Too many times I’ve been tempted to change things in my prep, whether it’s dropping food, upping training, adding cardio, although I do have a coach who provides a objective feedback, I still can’t help but feeling anxious and rushed at times.

Ironically, nothing teaches me patience more than a contest prep does. Aside from hard work and discipline, patience and consistency, the two qualities that will keep my sanity in check and carry me through this entire prep. Despite knowing the importance of patience and consistency, I still find myself having to remind myself almost daily, mostly in my morning walks. Without any forms of distraction, it was a good time for self reflection and reaffirmation.

In the context of this bikini prep, the decision to take social media off has proved to be beneficial. In the past, It was easy to get distracted by other people and their progress, I was constantly comparing myself with others, social media toyed with my emotions relentlessly. My relationship with social media is much better now, I follow great contents and updates, I use it to for business purpose, I limit my usage to a rigid timeframe, I am no longer addicted to it.

I do miss certain aspects of it, such as connecting with other people who shares the same interests. But after weighing out the pros and cons, it’s not worth it for me. Needless to say, most bodybuilders I personally admire aren’t on social media, and I can understand why.

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.

This is definitely not a pursuit of pleasure, but I want to savour the learning experience of each prep I put myself through, since I don’t intend to compete again in atleast 2 year’s time. In the realm of a contest prep, I get to detach myself from my body, and access it from a more objective point of view. I get to experience how caloric deficit correlates with fat loss, sensitivity to food and fatigue level heightened, and I get to see how libido/mood/general well being fluctuates along with fat loss. I do understand how health deteriorates without a surplus environment, but quite frankly, it’s hard to quantify the mental strides I’ve made in my previous prep, which applies to other areas of my life. That is the particular reason I am drawn to a bodybuilding contest. I do genuinely enjoy training and eating well in my bodybuilding journey, whether it’s surplus/deficit, or just maintenance. Infact, I didn’t toy with the idea of competing untill few years into my journey (where I was way too flexible and relax with my nutrition)

When it comes to any pursuit in our lives, it’s very important to ask yourself why not, instead of why. 

My goal is to bring a better physique on stage, at the same time, exert as much grace and patience as I can with this prep.

I realised my documentation of my previous prep was scattered…well needless to say, instagram is not a place for proper journaling purpose. Here I want to share a few photos from my previous competition trip to Singapore, (The Show of Strength 2018) which brings me good memories. It was a great experience for me.

I am coached by Twain Teo from https://atp.sg/

 

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For this meal I had, usual suspect of Coffee with condensed milk (mixed in gelatin powder), fruits (cantaloupe) beef liver and raw carrat salad. (#raypeat)

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I especially looking forward to see more details in my lower body. Appreciate the great quality photos provided by the show organiser. (Showofstrengthlive.com)

 

Prep Journal : Reset your mind and change your mood

Some personal observation and experiment in regards to changing my state of being.

I am about a month into my contest prep, most of my musings tend to revolve around dieting, it’s definitely difficult to not be food focus while you’re in a dieting phase, for me, it is a requirement. However, most of these strategy are effective and can be apply to many aspects of our lives.

As I am still not tracking food at this point, when it comes to dealing with hunger issues, I have to rely heavily on internal cues. There is also a difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger. I have realized I deal with physical hunger much better than emotional hunger. Currently, the cue that I give myself is, “If you still feel like you want more food after your meal, then you’re in the right place, stop right now.” At a surplus or a maintenance phase,  I simply just add more food, there was definitely more flexibility.

Change your environment

Walking away from more food doesn’t come naturally for me. The strategy I use currently is immediately clean up after my meal, (make dish washing/cleaning up part of my eating routine.) And I would often walk right after my morning and evening meals. I am rather inspired by Stan Efferding when it comes to implementing walks or activity around meal times, as it improves digestion and insulin sensitivity. As soon as I move away from my dining table, clean up, then proceed to my neighbourhood stroll, my urge of wanting more food is greatly reduced. Switching up the environment definitely helps.

Use music

Sometimes when I’m feeling abit down, I listen to happy, upbeat music. I find that music is quite powerful when it comes to picking me up, this is why I tend to avoid moody music (especially love songs about heart breaks) I appreciate sad music definitely, but I find that it does nothing for my mental well being. So most of the time, I gravitate towards happier tunes.

Change your physical state 

Our physical being has alot to do with our mental well being, as soon as I get up and move, I feel my mood is instantly lifted. This ties in with walking, as soon as I pick up my feet and starts walking outside, I can feel my entire being switch. Movement is medicine.

When distraction doesn’t work

I hear people say the best thing we can do when we’re trying to change our mental state is get distracted, this has never worked well for me. With distraction, I find that the underlying problem will persists and haunt me whenever I have down time. I realized sometimes I just need to face my problem head-on, a form of mental training almost, to “grind through it”. Whether it’s hunger, or certain habits that you try to eradicate, you just have to “get used to it”, putting in the reps, until you’re not as effected by it anymore. This is a learning curve for me definitely.

Nature is your best friend

I am fortunate to be in the tropics, where weather is good for daily walks and activities. I used to be a hermit, my days were mostly screen-filled, indoors. I now enjoy a myriad of outdoor activities, on most days I start and end my day with a walk, and whenever we travel, I try to include an outdoor activity which we both can enjoy. Being outside alone, helps tremendously with mood and depression. It is not a coincidence that more people are diagnosed with depression these days : people are less inclined to go outside due to technology. Sunlight and nature is incredibly healing.

I work hard on making these habits sticks, putting in the reps day in and day out, untill this comes naturally for me.

#17weeksout

 

Prep Journal : Prep before the prep

Summary of the past 2-3 weeks of slowly easing into a deficit again, without tracking food.

I was hesitant to start prep without tracking food, if there is one mistake I’ve learnt from my previous prep, is that I didn’t give myself enough time and I was probably a little too relaxed in the beginning. Given that it was my first prep, I was clueless. I started my prep at 72kg, and I stepped on stage at 58kg, judging by how I looked, I easily had extra 5kg on me that needed to go. Nonetheless, I learnt alot about myself and it was still a great experience for me.

I soon learnt if I stick to the same eating pattern, rotating between the same meals, at this point, tracking is unnecessary. I do use weight and measurement as a guidance at this point, if weight loss stall, I will not waste time and start tracking again. The crazy thing is, I find that without tracking actively, I have to be even more aware of my intake. If I make more progress in the beginning, then I don’t have to play catch up in later stages of my prep.

Below is an entry I wrote in my notebook the other day :

“Pay attention to the appropriate level of hunger and desire for food, instead of giving into intuition completely.”

Contest prep fatloss is tricky, without actively tracking food, it doesn’t mean I am eating intuitively. I find that intuitive eating is mostly for people who wants to maintain weight, or maybe lose a little, without having a rigid deadline to meet. Quite frankly, if I were to give into my intuition completely, I wouldn’t be able put myself in a deficit state. Our body just doesn’t like it if we knock it out of homeostasis : hunger and cravings eventually occurs. Dieting will always feel unnatural, no matter how efficient you try to be.

I will keep this update short and sweet, ending this post with some data update and some food photos, just to make this less boring

Start of prep

April 1st, 2019 : AVG BW 63.2kg

April 15th, 2019 : AVG BW 62.2kg

Starting point 2019 :

 

This was me at the start of my prep last year…I know..I had guts definitely