End of Prep : WNBF Singapore 2019

A vlog to sum up my bikini prep for WNBF Singapore 2019.

It felt like a long an arduous process, especially in the last stages of prep, those days can feel like eternity. Now that it’s a wrap, my feeling is completely different, time really flew by so quickly, and I’ve savoured both the good and hard times of the prep.

PREP BEFORE AFTER

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2011-05Whenever people look at me and assume this lifestyle comes natural to me…it isn’t. I still take it as a day to day process, making the foundation stronger by laying brick by brick upon it. 

I will never be able to pen down my thoughts on why I have subjected myself to such a seemingly challenging process.  Besides my genuine love and respect for the sport, the learning process is very alluring to me. On the geeky side of things, I have collected very valuable datas of myself when it comes to caloric intake, fat loss rates, measurement…and how it all correlates with my well being (mood, energy, sleep, cognitive thinking) so on and so forth. Then there’s the challenge of fighting my impulses and restraining myself in our world where food is in abundance. Restraint, a word so foreign in my dictionary, I have to admit, I have been repeatedly humble by the experience.

I did not do the best I could, yet, I wouldn’t change anything If I was given a chance to go back. You truly learn from your mistakes, that’s how you grow.

This is a relatively short post as a summary of my prep, but I want to touch specifically on post-show food related issues. It has been about a week now, and my hunger signal is still very high despite pushing my calories back up to maintenance level. At this point, I still have to exert a certain level of effort to keep intake at bay. While I try to do my best to relax and give myself time, I decided with this prep, I will keep tracking and keep weight gain within a reasonable rate. Now that prep is over, I am also really looking forward to experimenting with certain eating protocol, such as Time restricted feeding and chrononutrition. I have also started using Renaissance Periodization ‘s female physique training template, and I shall report back soon.

Aside of that, I look forward to starting my nutrition course with Mac Nutrition University I am especially grateful for Alan Aragon who recommended it to me (I decided to try my luck to reach out and I was so surprised to receive his DM back, I definitely had a fan girl moment right there and then.) Our official lecture has not even started yet, and yet, I am already getting so much out of the mentoring lab, it’s mind boggling to me how much resources they offer to their students aside of the official course.

Blogging has been slow, I have to be honest dieting has effected my ability to string together sentences, and I look forward to more consistent writing here.

 

 

An update on Meditation practice

A compilation of my meditation practice back in 2017

When I first started this blog, I wanted to document all things personal development related, at the time, I was in a transition of building new habits, I was inspired after reading the book Digital Minimalism by Dr. Cal Newport, and James Clear’s Atomic Habits.

There were a couple of habits that I wanted to work on, social media addiction is one thing (there will be another update soon), but I want to write about meditation, for I find that it is the backbone of how we can be more aware of our behaviours, thus bettering ourselves in all aspects of our lives.

I am not a stranger to meditation. Back in 2017, I’ve hired an online coach Olivier Goetgeluck. He has prescribed daily meditation practice as part of the training program for me. I believe the Universe knew what I needed then, that’s why I was connected to Olivier. At the time, I had no problem adhering to all the physical training he has prescribed for me, but I struggled with the meditation practice.

I remember how anxious I felt each time I had to start meditating, thoughts were constantly running through my head, it felt as if I was having an anxiety attack, I remember I could barely sit for 3 minutes in the first 1-2 weeks.

I’ve made great progress overtime, I’d meditate for 20-30 minutes atleast 3/4 times a week, sometimes I even took my practice outdoor. I felt so proud of myself, it was even more satisfying that any fitness achievement.

After 6 months with Olivier, I eventually moved back into powerlifting/physique training, I tried to keep up with the practice, but I relapsed. I was doing it very sparingly, until I stopped doing it completely.

Fast forward to March this year, after reading Atomic Habits, meditation was the first habit that I wanted to cement. There are so many helpful tips from the book, but the three main points that has helped me the most was :

Master the art of showing up

Repetitions

Habits Tracking

To summarize the three points as listed above : I only have to show up, duration didn’t matter as much, with that, I’ve gained enough repetitions, which then help the habit stick. I’ve also used bullet journaling to help me stay accountable.

Referring to my blog posts on meditation, I’ve started back in early April, I’ve probably only missed 3-5 days since then. I prefer to do it first thing in the morning, before I even brush my teeth, for 20-30 minutes a day. On days that I have to go out early for work, I simply move it to the end of the day.

It is the single, most powerful tool you can use anywhere, anytime to improve your mental well being, better than any supplementation or medication intervention.

What are the benefits ? I didn’t really care about all the scientific research on meditation, although they may help further convince you to start. What I’ve noticed with myself is that, I am much more aware of my behaviour. Take driving for example, I used to be very hot headed on the road, other drivers used to piss me off easily, not anymore. I use to look for distraction (browsing on the phone…horrible, I know) with every brief stop in between traffic lights, I’ve stopped doing that either…there are many many other examples, but you get the idea.

That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated and angry. I do, more often than I like. It’s definitely much more easier for me to catch myself thinking certain thoughts, if I feel angry, I would be giving myself a pep talk, :”Why are you angry? It’s not going to help the situation.” By then, I would have already calm down. This has been incredible in terms of managing my emotional intelligence…thou I have to admit, I am forever a work in progress.

That’s the whole point, when we aim to become a better human being, there is no final destination, it’s a constant work in progress.

I will be going for a meditation retreat, probably not as hardcore as 10 days silent retreat, (I just can’t do that to Anya) but a weekend away just to learn to skill would be very beneficial for me. I feel I am finally ready.

And I hope I’ve convinced you to start.

 

 

Week 1 : Coffee Abstinence

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So I visit this coffee shop every morning, by coffee shop, I really mean Malaysian’s style “kopitiam”, where the lady boss uses cheap local coffee powder to make the coffee, with condensed milk. I like the ratio of the coffee with the condensed milk she makes, it’s slightly bitter (due to the acidity of the cheap coffee powder) but sweetened with the condensed milk. I am addicted to my morning cup of coffee, made by her specifically.

As if Universe wanted to help me kick off the addiction, this lady boss told me she was going for a week-long vacation, I  was disgruntled, I remember telling her :”How am I going to survive my week without your coffee ?”

I decided perhaps it’s time for me to take a sabbatical from my coffee consumption.

I’ve toyed with the idea of coffee abstinence in the past, but it has never worked out. Most days I do 2 cups, somedays I try to do one cup. The main reason I wanted to try it was to see how it’s going to improve my sleep, I do notice my sleep hasn’t been optimal since my deficit has started, and at this phase, I can’t afford to use more calories to support my sleep (which should be, ideally) , and I just wanted to see how it’s going to effect me in terms of energy level, too.

The past week has been interesting :

Day 01 : So I usually have my first cup of coffee (with my meal) between 6.30am-7am) and I started having migraine around this time, and it went on for the whole day. I can count on the number of times I have migraine…which is rarely. It effected my mood and productivity level greatly, I had a hard time concentrating throughout the whole day. My mood was foul.

I started googling…whatever they say about “coffee withdrawal symptoms” I clearly had it. I grind through the first day

Day 02 : I started using some tea…in limited amounts. Ice lemon tea (yes..sweetened as always), and it kind of curb the craving of sipping something in the morning for me. Migraine and bad mood persists, I was starting to think maybe I can do one cup…but I grind it out.

Day 03 : Migraine still in full swing. I gave in and took 2 aspirin in the afternoon. It brought relief, I felt better that day.

Day 04 : Migraine is gone. The withdrawal symptoms seems to have subsided. I feel good today.

Day 05 : No more withdrawal symptoms. I also notice energy level is more constant, instead of the highs and lows I experience throughout the day.

Day 06 : My sleep got better. Thou i still battle with nocturnal urination (something I continuously work on) .I was able to sleep. I woke up feeling very refreshed and energised.

Day 07 : Not going back to using coffee, atleast for now.

I have alot of internal dialogues with myself, obviously. I would say things like :”You can work on your coffee addiction later, when you’re done with the prep, not now, this can be a powerful substance to help you through these few months of deficit.”

Or

“Why add another stressor when you’re already stressed?”

The problem is it’s all correlated in some way, I need to prime my sleep for more efficient fat loss. And when my sleep is good, everything feels good. Perhaps if you’re metabolically robust, coffee would be a good “supplement”, unfortunately, not for me currently.

I do miss coffee thou, either a good cup of latte, or a cheap kopitiam kopi peng.

 

 

 

Physical degeneration and mental health : I’m gonna kill myself

Yesterday, there was a little commotion going on at our neighbour’s.

Apparently he locked himself outside of his house, and he didn’t have a phone with him. So he went over to my mother in law’s house (which is right next to our house) to have her call his wife, I don’t want to go into details, in the end everything was resolved because apparently, his son was inside the house.

He was frantic, and angry, and he couldn’t control himself. He was cursing and saying things like :”How could this had happened, I’m gonna kill myself !” My mother in law was shocked upon hearing that, according to my mother in law, he is mentally unstable, so she was concerned he was really going to kill himself.

I am certainly aware that many seniors are suffering from some form of mental illness, and it certainly makes me think alot about how our physical degeneration, is interlinked with our mental health. It’s just hard to feel good if you are suffering physically.

Yesterday, I had a toothache. I don’t want to know what is it, and I’ll never find out, since it has subsided today. I had a wisdom tooth pulled out very recently, and I’ve sworn to never go back to the dentist again…even if the dentist is as hot as Chris Hemsworth. I even read Dr.Weston Price’s book (Nutrition and Physical Degeneration) to get a better understanding on how to improve dental health. The pain started early morning, I was still feeling fine when I was having my breakfast, by mid noon, it has escalated and quite literally, I felt like killing myself. My mood has gone sour and I started behaving like a little kid towards my husband. I forced food down, chewing meat with the other side of my mouth (a true meathead is ingesting protein every couple of hours no matter the circumstances) by evening, it was so painful that I had trouble concentrating, by this time, I started treating my husband like a punching bag (figuratively speaking) . I certainly had alot of internal dialogues with myself, still, I couldn’t control my behaviour because of my physical pain.

I gave in and had 2 panadols last night, the pain subsided.

This little incident reminds me how we need to first take care of our physical health, and once we have establish a good foundation, then, we can only improve our mental well being. Both cannot be separated.

I feel pretty bad for lashing out on him, but when I woke him up for panadols last night, the look of genuine concern on his face really touched me. My health has improved so tremendously that, he no longer has to take care of me like he did, and it was nice to be reminded that he cares for me deeply. Perhaps this isn’t such a bad episode after all.

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